For the feminists at T.W.W. -

From pushingrubberdownhill

commenter Brittny who published this gem on my old article about happy wife, happy life.

The absolute best advice I got upon being married wasn’t from my mother or grandmother, wonderful and wise as they are (though they did teach me in a roundabout way that speaking ill of one’s spouse leads nowhere good) it was from one of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s books.

I forget which one. Most have pithy titles. I think this one might have been the Care and Feeding of Husbands.

I was struggling as a first time mother in my early twenties to settle my society-indoctrinated views on what a woman was entitled to versus what made men happy. Sex was a sad bone of contention – not that it was bad or infrequent, just not as frequent or enthusiastic as the husband would have desired.

The advice? Have sex even when you don’t feel like it.

Novel! Serendipitous! But wasn’t it terribly anti-feminist to ‘give the goods’ without some sort of transaction? Be it a dinner, a massage, or blast it all even a compliment? This didn’t make any sense, and I poo-pood the advice for some time. Until I didn’t.

Wonder of wonders. Biology is a marvelous thing, and I found that when I said ‘yes’, or even instigated relations myself…I became interested as a matter of due course. None of the waiting around to feel ‘in the mood.’ Since then this simple bit of advice has nourished an eleven year marriage that has given us three sons and the deepest, most fulfilling friendship and love of my life.

Honestly…I wish it was acceptable to give this tidbit out at bridal showers. Sometimes I still scribble it in the scrapbooks and letters given to new, presumable virginal brides. Honey…don’t make him wait until you are ready, or when the stars are aligned, or when you are perfectly coiffed (though it would be good to get in the habit of always striving to look like dynamite, you never know). I know…dishes need to be done, children will shriek, bills need to be paid. Trust me….

Always say YES.

As it states on my about page, this is a blog primarily for men. Which is why this is a wonderful choice for the inaugural comment of the week.

I wish to single out this line:

But wasn’t it terribly anti-feminist to ‘give the goods’ without some sort of transaction? Be it a dinner, a massage, or blast it all even a compliment? This didn’t make any sense, and I poo-poo'd the advice for some time.

Giving for the sake of giving in of itself, for the simple pleasure that you bring to your spouse, with no expectation of reciprocation, and none required, is the essence of a successful marriage.